If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
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And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
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also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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