i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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