had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
