if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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