C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
