Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
