My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
