hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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