my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
