Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
