You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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