dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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