Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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