Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
