Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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