i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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