How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
This couple is walking their pig around campus
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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