we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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