So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
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He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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