I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
