you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
