drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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