i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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