u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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