people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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