how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
