rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
