my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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