if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
