i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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