she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
