I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
