I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
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How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
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I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.