Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?