so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?