I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy