My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.