I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Randomize
