wat bout pragnant strippers??
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
