The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
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