the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
