i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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