Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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