guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
