we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
