It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
