You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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