when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
