After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
