You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
