Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
why do cheetos always look like penises
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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