The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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