the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Drunk is not a location!
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
