Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I think your dad took our porno
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
