It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Buhtt sex?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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