Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
