I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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