You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
