i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
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