i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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