So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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