too bad you live with your parents still
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
