We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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