I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Randomize
